Walking: The Jalopnik Review

"Leadbull" (leadbull911)
08/26/2014 at 12:26 • Filed to: oppo reviews

After relying on a car for years, I've suddenly been thrown into a situation where I have no car. My new community sports an award winning bus system, but everything is close enough that my primary mode of transportation is my own two feet. I've decided to review this strange vehicle, firstly to provide excellent consumer advice, secondly to maybe get paid by Jalopnik, and thirdly (and most importantly) because I don't have any friends.

Let's get straight to business.

Exterior

Varies. I've been told I have nice hair.

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Interior

A strange thing — the more you walk, the better the interior becomes.

However, regular maintenance is required, as any slight damage can hinder the vehicle's performance. Even a routine visit to the mechanic can cost hundreds, even thousands of dollars. Be prepared to shell out tons of cash, unless you live in Canada.

Acceleration

Acceleration is not great, to be honest.

If you choose to move swiftly, you are no longer walking; you're running. And since this review specifically covers walking, I won't go into that.

Braking

Stops on a dime!

No, literally, you can actually stop on a dime and pick it up, and then use it to buy a soda or something if this were 1950.

Handling

My favorite feature is that you can easily swap out the tires for less than $100 a pair. This becomes a problem, though, when people gain an obsession for new tires. They sometimes collect way more tires than they need. It get's expensive.

As for the actual suspension, it's very well built and articulate, but easily damaged if the shocks bend the wrong way. It would be nice if this were updated in the next model refresh.

Gearbox

It's a CVT.

Totally un-Jalop.

Toys

Adequate:

Overall Value

All in all, walking isn't so bad. It's slower than driving or using public transportation, but it's much easier. And by "much easier", I mean it's incredibly easy. You don't even have to think about it! I guess humans have been walking so long that it's almost... instinctual.

So, would I recommend this vehicle to friends?

Yes, yes I would.

DISCUSSION (21)

For Sweden > Leadbull
08/26/2014 at 12:27

Greenhouse gas emissions can be brutal however.

505Turbeaux > Leadbull
08/26/2014 at 12:28

haha nice

Leadbull > For Sweden
08/26/2014 at 12:29

Cut down on the Mexican. That should help.

Jcarr > Leadbull
08/26/2014 at 12:36

The whole time I was reading this all I could hear was:

Alex B > Leadbull
08/26/2014 at 12:36

Great review.

Gabor Vajda (@Gabor_V) > Leadbull
08/26/2014 at 12:46

You can tune and pimp it the way you want it.

Donk:

Kinja'd!!!

Rat:

Kinja'd!!!

Stance:

Kinja'd!!!

Bosozoku:

Kinja'd!!!

Tohru > Leadbull
08/26/2014 at 12:56

Walking: The American Jalopnik Review

0/100

Why are you walking? You own a car.

The Gray Adder > Tohru
08/26/2014 at 13:00

Because the soda machine is indoors.

Tohru > The Gray Adder
08/26/2014 at 13:02

Kinja'd!!!

NOW THE SODA MACHINE IS OUTSIDE

Blue 300 > Leadbull
08/26/2014 at 13:05

I know a hipster friend who refuses to use tires. Walks around on rims all day. Although they get exponentially dirty this way, he believes that if the cave men didn't have tires then we shouldn't need them either. His girlfriend has hairy armpits.

thebigbossyboss > Leadbull
08/26/2014 at 13:59

My strut is damaged. I went into the mechanic earlier this year. It had come right off it's mounting several times. I got it repaired and reattached, but it still hasn't recovered fully even though I used part of the drive train for the repair.

Leadbull > Blue 300
08/26/2014 at 14:06

Jagvar?

Leadbull > thebigbossyboss
08/26/2014 at 14:11

They source their parts from VW.